Thursday, November 10, 2011

My History with My Penis and Sex V: Coming Out (to myself) as a Solosexual

Continued from Part 4.

My late 20s and early 30s was the time when my chronic, near-constant masturbation really began to take over my life.  My last relationship had of course gone the same way the others had: ending because I wasn't interested in sex beyond masturbating and my partner wanted more.  Oh, there were other issues of course, but the lack of sex was a very big reason.

Being single, I was spending more and more of my free time masturbating my penis, and less on other things like hobbies or going out with friends.  I was already an accomplished edger, but masturbating for longer periods of time became something of an obsession for me.  I loved it more than anything.  I wanted to keep masturbating for as long as I could, and when I finally came I would either keep masturbating or take only a short rest before beginning again.  It was normal for me to spend around 6 hours every night masturbating.  It was heaven.

My obsession with masturbating my penis led me to find websites and groups about it.  After some time I found groups like the old Batenation on ning and websites like Onania.  It was so great to read about and talk with other chronic penis masturbators!  These men not only understood the need I felt to constantly masturbate, but also encouraged each other to take our needs deeper.  I learned so much about penis masturbation during this time it's mind boggling.  Men would share techniques, stories, encouragement, batefuel, and anything having to do with masturbation.  It wasn't long before masturbation became the most important thing in my life, which, to be honest, it already was for most of my life, but I just stopped fighting it.

The more I masturbated my penis, the more I loved it.  It was so amazing to me that such a simple act of self-pleasure could constantly feel so good and never get old.  I started to develop a sense of pride for and genuine love of my penis.  I started to talk to my penis and tell it how much I loved it as I masturbated.  It became this entity, part of me, yet separate and on an entirely different level.  At first I felt somewhat silly, but that just seemed to feed my masturbation.  I started to really get deep.  I knew the word masturbators gave this kind of penis masturbation, but hadn't thought much about it until then.  I was gooning.  I was masturbating so deeply that nothing else mattered in my mind except PENIS.  I was still talking to my penis, but I was so deep that I stopped making sense.  My words came out as grunts and babble, often sounding very juvenile.  The faces I made could only be called retarded.  When I started catching glimpses of myself this way, it was fascinating to me.  I bought a mirror just so I could watch myself goon.  I loved it.  It fed my masturbation even more and I went deeper into my batehole.

After spending many months deeply masturbating my penis, I began to realize that this is how I wanted to spend my life.  This is who I was.  This is who I'd always been, but hadn't been able to realize it because I was too busy trying to fit into the stereotypical Happy Gay Couple.  I felt relieved, in a way, and literally felt as though a weight were lifted off of me.  I had finally figured out what made me happy:  compulsively masturbating my penis.  I was a solosexual.

Figuring out that I was a solosexual penis masturbator didn't bring about any immediate life changes, though it did make me feel infinitely more comfortable in my own skin.  I didn't run out and announce anything to my friends and family.  I didn't see the point.  It's not like it comes up in conversation very often.  What it did do, however, was get me thinking about my future.  I'll spare you the long, boring list of decisions I made over those few weeks that didn't have to do with masturbation.  Instead, I'll just say that I still spend the vast majority of my free time masturbating my penis, gooning out and sinking into my batehole everyday, and I still love it more than anything.

I am a solosexual masturbator, committed to masturbating my greasy penis as much as I can.  This is me.  I love my life.

2 comments:

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